Coaching a Son

I recently completed an incredible four-year journey with my oldest son Conor. I was privledged to coach him during our program's most successful run. Although I have heard horror stories from coaching colleagues about their experiences with their own sons, mine was exceptional and I head into the 2010 season saddened by his graduation.

Conor was exposed to rugby at a very young age, but did not get actively involved as a player until elementary school when he began playing touch-rugby for the Woodlands RFC. As is often the case, the Woodlands was short on coaches, so I joined the staff on the youth team. An interesting thing happened while we worked together in the Woodlands. I spent a great deal of time working with Conor on his skills, but I developed a player-centered approach with him. At the time I had a very coach-centric approach, and by watching and working with Conor I developed a new and infinitely more valuable way in which to work with players. By giving him and later all my players a major stake-hold in decisions, I saw major growth in their ability to make the correct decisions. Even at a young age I trusted Conor's instinct and as he grew as a player the trust became implicit. It was during this period that we also developed what I call the Dad/Coach - Son/Player relationship. Whenever discussing matches we would always determine whether or not we were discussing as family or as members of the team. We were able to maintain a loving relationship on one side and a business relationship on the other.

I moved to St. Thomas in 2002 (perhaps the greatest professional decision I ever made). Conor entered school as a freshman in 2006, but immediately gained the trust and respect of the coaching staff (under the leadership of my best friend Jim Wolfinger), and proceeded to start and play every minute of every match for the next four years - 74 consecutive matches in which the Eagles won an extraordinary 61. He served as captain of the squad at the National Championships in 2007 as a sophomore and then as full captain during the 2008 and 2009 seasons. While a STH Conor broke every record in the school's record book except for one. What an incredible experience to be able to work and coach any player with this type of skill, but to have him be your son was an unbelievable experience. I have so many brilliant memories from our time together and could not be more proud. One memory which stands out was the 2007 Western Championship in which Conor hit a massive drop-goal at the end of the match for the win. As the post-match chaos broke on to the field, Conor and I found each other and embraced and all time stopped for me. Sharing the excitment, love, glory, and thrill with him was a priceless treasure.

The pride comes not from all his accomplishments, but because of the character, poise, and grace which Conor showed throughout his career. Despite his individual achievements, he maintained a deep sense of humility and his only desire was to see his team win. He gave everything he had toward that end. His opponents feared him, but had a massive amount of respect for him. When he won the Texas Player of the Year award in 2008, he got a standing ovation from his peers which is the ultimate sign of respect.

I would not have traded the opportunity to coach my son for all the money in the world. I like to think I may have helped him develop, but perhaps it was his influence on me that helped me grow more as a coach and person. I got to do something that few dads get to do anymore - spend time with their child. All the conversations, matches, and comraderie are an indelible part of me. Although I am sad I will not longer have the opportunity to be his coach, I watch him leave with a huge amount of pride and the knowledge that he will be a huge success wherever he goes. I can recommend without reservation that Dad/Coach is the best thing that you will ever do. My greatest thrill is that I have two more sons are their way up which will give me an opportunity to experience it all over again!